Marthas and Marys have rarely patched up in history nor have the Cains and Abels. Sibling rivalry is a cruel gene devised by evolution. Golden eaglets are known to push the waiting-to-be-hatched eggs out of their nests, sometimes even the hatched siblings! Some start it even earlier, like the sand sharks. There are two wombs in a mother shark and many embryos in each. But only one shark pup will emerge in birth from each. The survivors would have eaten the other embryos in utero. Telling these examples is not to exonerate the hatred that people keep against their siblings.
The gospel speaks about a complaint of Martha who was doing household chores while Mary was sitting and listening to Jesus. Mary spews her complaints about Martha in front of the guest. Sibling rivalries rarely come out in front of guests. If they do, they have gone bad enough. The stories in the Bible about sibling rivalry is often about fighting for attention. Cain was sad becasue Abel’s offerings were accepted by God and his was rejected. He removes Abel from the scene, so that God will have no choice but to accept Cain’s offering. He wanted to forcefully get God’s attention.
The story of Jacob and Esau is played out also as a sibling rivalry. In this case, Jacob starts it even as he was in the womb! Their mother favors one child while the father favors the other. The treachery in the family grows to an extent that the celebrated father of Israel (Jacob) looks puny in goodness vis-à-vis the generous older brother, Esau. The story of Joseph sold to the Egyptian businessmen also is due to the belief that the brothers did not enjoy the same attention that the father gave to Joseph. Sibling rivalry often begins with the fear that parental attention is a rare commodity, and must be acquired by all means and prevented from spilling over to other siblings. The story of Rachel and Lea are not different either. They fought for the attention of their husband. The brothers in the prodigal son’s story once again brings to our consciousness the rivalry of the siblings. The presumed shortage of attention is often at the root of such sibling rivalry. There is a self-preservation instinct, a genetical trait that keeps a watch over the siblings who might get more attention.
There is also the case of the mimetic desire. It is not exactly because I do not have enough of things, but that I unconsciously desire what the other siblings desire. This was the case with Martha. While she was busy working, she desired (envied) Mary’s pursuits at the feet of Jesus. There was nothing wrong in Martha doing the household chores. Jesus would have appreciated her had she waited long enough. But she had already started desiring Mary’s position. If Mary was not there, Martha would have happily done her chores.
There is a need to develop reflective thinking on the unconscious motivations of our behaviors. Before reading further, it will be rewarding to look back to see the childhood rivalries that we had developed among our siblings and how irrationally we have carried them to an advanced age! Jesus gives an antidote to this evolutional anomaly. The comment of Jesus to Martha was simple. You are worried about many things. Martha had one job at hand and was worried about the job of her sister. Mary is praised because she was free from the mimetic desire of Martha for what Mary was doing. Her mind was on what she was doing and not what Martha was doing.
If the work one chooses to do is a conscious one, that choice is backed up by its own reasons. If we do not rely on those reasons, it is most likely that we get caught up with mimetic desires and envy. One needs to learn the art of being comfortable in one’s own shoes. Buddha seems to have stated this fundamental principle of human life, “Desire is the cause of all evil.” It is not about not having any desire: without any desire for good things in life, people drift into depression. The reference is more suitable to mimetic desires. Each one of us is a unique person, and desiring the uniqueness of others is to negate one’s own uniqueness and potentials. We need not, we should not mimic others. One person is enough for one’s kind! Let Marthas be Marthas and Marys be Marys.